Little Secrets.

New Year’s is something I’m never usually excited about. Every year, I’m always just staying home doing absolutely nothing. My mom’s at work, and my dad would watch TV [this year: he just fell asleep]. But this year feels different. This year is very conflicting: it was the best year of my life ‘cause I made it through my first year of college, met wonderful people, and went out of my comfort zone and done things i’ve never thought i’d do. But it was also a year that made more burdens due to maybe having to add another year before i graduate, friends becoming strangers, friends immediately judging me, and a part of my life from the past that brought a lot of hurt coming back again. I’ve been wanting to avoid writing this resolution, but maybe it’s something to just clear my head. 

So to the things I’ve realized this year:
-True friends will stay. I don’t know how many people back home thought I’m just a party girl now. I’m in college, and I’m still trying to find myself without losing myself in the process. I’m grateful for the people that didn’t judge me, and for those who understood, thank you. As for the friends that I’ve made in college, I hope that I can remain friends with them after I graduate, but I’m very grateful to have met these kids because these are the people who have kept me sane for the past year. 

-You can’t please everyone. I was always someone that wanted to be on everyone’s good side. But there’s always those that will just not like you. Whether is comes from a ridiculous rumor or just how you are, it won’t change that person’s perspective of you. It’s finally time that I don’t care anymore. I’d rather take negativity out of my life, and just focus on the people that really matter. I’m glad there are people that have only known me for a year or less and have my back. 

-I really do love my parents. I’m pretty sure I hurt them when I told them I wanted to get out of Miami and didn’t apply to any colleges here and left. But to have parents that drive 3 hours in the middle of the night when you have a stomach flu, that’s true love. No one’s love can be greater than the one they have for me. I’ve taken my parents for granted so many times, but it sucks when you cherish parents after something bad happens to them. This year is the first year I’ve ever said “I love you” to them a lot. They have so much strength and faith, I hope to have that when I have a family of my own. Yeah they can be strict as hell, but I know that they care. 

-My burdens can get the best of me. I’m trying so hard to keep my faith up, but when there’s something that’s only getting worse and worse, i can’t help but to give up. Along with giving up, I lose motivation and even confidence. But I’m glad that there are friends that can distract me from it and keep me sane. My problems are not something that I talk about very lightly, but just keep me and my family in your prayers. It would help a lot. 

As for the new year, here are things that I want to do:
-make it to the Dean’s List
-pass the TEAS exam at least the second time I take it.
-volunteer at a hospital or anything to give back to the Orlando community.
-be active on campus
-go to adoration
-write more in my journal
-go back to the gym at least 3 times a week
-pray the rosary
-get a job in the summer
-become creative again
-keep in touch with friends back home
-be more open-minded
-clean the house more often
-go on photo runs
-keep my motivation up
-keep my confidence up
-sing more
-make more covers
-learn the guitar again
-have more time for myself
-road trip to NC [yeaaah that’s a long shot lol]
-go to SFC conference

that’s all I can think of. this entry is probably sappy and long but I am hopeful for the new year, and I pray that it’ll turn out to be a better year. have a great one everybody!